Marriage has its ups and downs, highs and lows, even if you are still in the newlywed phase. But good news is – it’s normal! Know that even the lowest point in your lives is an essential part of being married.
It is like a video game, complete with obstacles and challenges that get harder and harder level by level. But game over should not be an option, rather play again. You can play better once you learned from your failures.
But what if you could have a cheat sheet of challenges coming your way? What if you could learn in advance the ways to conquer the game, even before it hits you?
Here’s to you!
1. We fight all the time.
Most couple fights root from leaving the toilet seat up, not doing the dishes after a meal or choosing a channel to watch. There are also arguments about where to live, which paint to color the walls and how to handle money.
If you are currently experiencing these, it just means that you are discovering yourselves. Remember that newlywed phase, or ‘level’, is getting to know each other more and more, deeper and deeper. It is actually better to fight, rather than keeping your feelings all to yourself until you can’t hold it anymore.
SOLUTION: Determine “his-way” and “her-way” and come up with “our way” that both of you actually feel good about.
If the fight gets big, especially if the other one is already raising voice and acting like a child with tantrums, it’s better for the other one to leave the partner alone for about thirty minutes to cool off. This is not escaping, but giving yourselves some space to breathe and reassess why you’re allowing the fight to consume you. Borrowing a quote from CW’s Supergirl “There’s an anger behind an anger.” Perhaps one of you had a bad day from work already and another fight is not helping.
After every fight, may it be big or small, it is always good to swallow your pride, forgive and apologize. This will lead to a calmer discussion and better understanding of each other.
2.We get unsolicited advices.
Once you enter into marriage, expect marriage advices to outpour. They could range from real life experiences, surveys or studies, or anything from TV or the Internet.
These advices are actually gestures made purely out of love to lead your marriage for a good start. But sometimes, they are too traditional and unfit for your modern-day marriage.
And worse, they meddle in decisions you as a couple are supposed to make in the first place. Insert in-laws.
SOLUTION: Listen to them still while nodding politely. But you should know how to filter these advices. Keep what works for you and ignore the others. Let them finish and follow up with a smooth change of topic.
3.We were pressured to have a baby.
Familiar of the nudge-nudge and wink-wink from family and friends? Asking if a third family member is on its way soon even comes as early as the wedding party.
You may hear this more often from both of your parents who are asking for a grandchild. The pressure gets higher when they are anticipating for their first grandchild. But this is understandable – after all, they want to spend time playing with their grandchildren while they still have the energy.
SOLUTION: Even with too much pressure, don’t rush things. Ultimately, having a kid is a decision made out of the right time and proper family planning. It is great to enjoy life as a newlywed couple first before welcoming a third member to the squad.
4.We don’t like the same things.
Your similarities could have brought the two of you together. But as you go through your marriage, you get to know each other more and more to the point that you discover you don’t have the exact hobbies and interests you thought you had.
You love pop. Your partner likes classical music.
SOLUTION: Acceptance is key. Accept that you are two different people who enjoy different things. You don’t have to like the same thing your partner likes. But don’t complain about the things your partner enjoys and respect them. Being supportive
of each other can help.
In my case, my partner gets irritated when my music is on. So I listen to my playlist when I’m alone, like when I do the laundry or clean our room. Problem solved!
5.We don’t enjoy married sex as much as before.
For some people, sex before marriage is more fun, more exciting. You hide it from your parents and even do it in unimaginable places. No need for me to explain it. You get it, right?
But once you’re married already, you just do it on your bed all the time. Sex becomes predictable and less spontaneous.
SOLUTION: Learn to keep sex interesting by role-playing, dressing up in sexy costumes, or going on a romantic date like how you used to when you are still boyfriend and girlfriend. Relive those intimate moments.
With the challenges and corresponding solutions listed here, you will be able to survive this newlywed ‘level’ and enjoy married life.
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